Glandular Fever/ Post Viral Malaise - What I sacrifice for my sport

Hello friends,

This is a bit of a tricky one to keep positive, but is something that keeps coming to the front of my mind a lot recently.

What I sacrifice for roller derby.

Continuing to play a sport when you've suffered an illness that significantly impacts your body's ability to recover and just generally exist is challenging. I am fortunate enough that (should things go well), by the end of the year I'll be symptom free and ready to continue a normal healthy life.

But in the meantime, I've had to make a lot of changes.

In no particular order, here are the things I sacrifice to skate.

1) A 'real job'. Due to the way the post viral malaise has manifested it would be impossible for me to work a full time, structured job and continue with the sport I love. I now only go into the office one day a week and not even for a full 8 hours. The rest of the time I put in extra hours from home when I feel able and teach singing/gig when the opportunity arises.

2) An active social life. Believe me, I've tried. If I consider behaving like a normal, single woman in her mid-twenties, going out and socialising regularly and seeing people outside of training I get sick. Glands up, tonsil stones, spontaneously vomit in my bin, sick. I have to plan any social ventures well in advance and anything spontaneous I have to weigh up the risks of before agreeing.

3) 3 days of my week. I hear a lot of other skaters and our coaches say it a lot. It's only 4 hours a week. If you want to do it you'll make time. When you're a spoonie, this is not even slightly true.  My league train on Sunday's 6-8 and Tuesday 8-10. This means the following:

• Sundays have to be a restful day. I can do light activity but nothing too exciting or active. If this doesn't happen I lose extra time later.
• Monday mornings are a write-off. I can sometimes get things done on a Monday (if we've not been bouting I may manage a light work out and some work). But pretty much, it's a day of nothing.
• Tuesday I have to go to the office. With this and training, I am completely wiped out on Wednesdays. Again, I can sometimes manage something light but normally don't manage much more than a dog walk.

People think that the only time I am sacrificing is at training, but that's just not true.

4) My headspace. As it stands, I do not have the same capacity that I normally do to deal with and manage challenges in my life. When I'm healthy I can quite happily juggle all of the issues of life without too many problems. Now, I pretty much can only deal with one thing and that one thing is skating. Other life elements get to slip in and out of my consciousness on occasion, but most of my mental energies are dedicated to roller derby. 

This means little dramas and the 'politics' of the league drag me down. This means lots of crying after training for no specific reason (which annoys me because it's a waste of energy).

5) Being financially stable. As I'm not able to work a 'real' job and roller derby costs money, I now spend my life living on a shoe string. Thankfully, I'm pretty awesome at budgeting, but it does wear you down. 

So why do it?

When I skate, I feel like me again. It lets me feel like I did before I got sick. 

I take pride in the fact that despite all of the challenges I face I can still out skate some of the healthy members of the team. I take pride in the fact that I don't let being sick hold me back and that I'm statistically one of the strongest skaters on my team.

I get to spend my time with (for the most part) wonderfully positive people that are incredibly understanding and care for me as a skater and a person.

I've been fortunate enough to be able to bond with other skaters throughout the roller derby community with similar issues. 

It gives me perspective. It's given me a drive to be better, even if this means giving it everything I've got.

For 4 hours a week I get to feel like I'm Jez again. 

To me that's worth it.

Stay happy!

x

Glandular Fever/ Post Viral Malaise - What does recovery look like?

Hello friends,

The past couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot about what recovery looks like.

Everyone around me can see that I am improving and some have even suggested that I'm 'better'. 

It's true that I'm needing less naps in the middle of the day and my appetite is back. But I'm still not my old self.

I've gone from being incredibly active, coping with 12 hour days and still fitting in gym sessions, to only working 5 or 6 hours 1 or 2 days a week. My skating is coming along, but only because I'm sacrificing other things to make sure I've got the energy to do it.

Just for the sake of giving you all as much information as possible, here is an update on where I am with symptoms,

-Muscle aches. If I have a heavy session or a busy day I wake up a day or two later and my legs feel like lead. I know that if it doesn't happen the day after the following day will be so much worse. I tend to have to drag my heavy body around and cut out any activity I had planned. 

-Swollen glands. When I've really overdone it the glands in the back of my neck swell up making it feel stiff and uncomfortable. It's a hard feeling to explain - my head feels too heavy. 

-Fatigue. Some days I just can't do life. Sometimes I have to make myself fulfil necessary duties (I'm self-employed so if I don't work, I don't earn), and that normally means any episodes take longer to pass. 

-Sudden low mood. I think this is more of an indirect symptom due to the psychological impact of not being able to do what I feel I should be capable of doing. But this one is probably the hardest to manage because when it hits, it hits hard. 

I am fortunate that all of these things are manageable (to an extent). Hot baths with epsom salts really help the muscle aches, as well as resting my legs up high on a wall and letting them drain down. (This works for me anyway!). 

Swollen glands I use as an indicator that I have to stop doing whatever I'm doing because my body is crying out for rest.

I manage the fatigue by only ever planning very small sections of my day. This means that if I have excess energy I can go and do extra bits, but that I'm not overcommitting. In some circumstances this isn't always possible but it's helpful to have a plan!

Mood? On these days I try and get out and take the dogs somewhere beautiful. If I don't have the energy for that I'll play a bit of music or watch a film I enjoy and remember it's not forever!  
That said, sometimes I just have to have a big ugly cry and then the world seems better. It's like how everything looks cleaner outside after it rains.

So back to the point.

What does recovery look like?

The definition of recovery : a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.

I am in the process of recovery. My recovery looks like tiny improvements week on week. It looks like going from statistically the second worse blocker on my team in February to winning best blocker award at our last game. 

I am taking joy from each and every positive step I'm making. Yes, I may not be well, but I am better. I'm better than I was at the beginning of the year. I'm better than I was a month ago.

The only way is up. Until then, I'll keep on keeping on.

As before, if you need someone to rant to, cry to, shout at, feel free to send me an email jezilynmartyn@gmail.com.

Stay happy :)

Glandular Fever / Post Viral Malaise - Other people suck

Hello friends!

I hope you're feeling amazing! (or at least not completely terrible).

Today's post is about how people suck. And to be clear, this is not all people. Some people are amazing. But it only takes a few negative people to mess up your head or upset you.

The problem with people is they don't know what they don't know. I understand that's an obvious comment to make, but it's true. If you've never had glandular fever or post viral malaise or any other invisible illness it's easy to be ignorant.

Here are a few of the comments that used to - and occasionally still do - get to me the most.

"My friend/relative had glandular fever and after 6 weeks they were fine."

"You're just being lazy."

"Why aren't you trying harder?"

"Well, you made it to the gym yesterday. Are you sure you're not faking it?"

These, amongst many other comments I've not included, only happen because of ignorance. Simply because people do not understand. 

Rather than getting annoyed with people I'm now trying to take this as an opportunity to educate people (and myself). 

If you find that you're struggling to explain why your energy levels deplete so rapidly, my go to is always spoon theory It's a great tool.

If you're playing and competing in a sport like I am, make your teammates aware of what's going on with you! It's better that they know you're not smashing endurance drills so you can last to the end of training, not because your fitness has dropped. Try your best to answer any questions individuals might have about it.

The most important (and sometimes most challenging) thing is to trust yourself. Remember that you know what's best for your body. If someone accuses you of being lazy, forget about it. You know you're not. Not everyone's 100% is the same.

Remember friends, stay smiling! 

As before, if you need someone to rant to, cry to, shout at, feel free to send me an email jezilynmartyn@gmail.com.

Stay strong fellow sickies!

Glandular fever / Post viral malaise - set backs

Hello friends!

This week I got cocky.  This week I let everyone know that I'd gone just over a month without a new episode of glandular fever.

Naturally,  within 12 hours of this conversation my glands were back up and I was exhausted and feeling like I was dying again.  (Dramatic,  but I'm sure you understand).

Setbacks suck. You feel like all your careful planning and scheduling was for nothing.  You feel like allowing recovery days was pointless.  But sometimes it can't be helped.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can now see that I've had this set back because I went out on Saturday night expecting a relaxed start to the week to recover.  I then had 2 stressful days at work combined with committee meetings and training so here I am!

It's easy to be dramatic -  "oh I can never go out again,  it'll make me sick".  But that's not true.  I just needed to organise my schedule with more rest points -  something I've now learnt.

Remember,  every set back is a lesson.  You're learning about what your body needs and how to get the best out of it.  That's never a bad thing.  You can take the skill with you long after your symptoms are faded.

Stay strong and stay happy fellow sickies!

Glandular fever / Post Viral Malaise - Getting back into exercise

A little bit about me -

I was diagnosed with glandular fever around a month ago after several months of feeling exhausted, depressed and falling asleep for no real reason. It turns out I had my first episode in November but it hadn't knocked me back as much as it does for most people because I was so fit and healthy (and stubborn). Before glandular fever I was working out 4-5 times a week (weight training and cardio), skating 4-6 hours a week and pole dancing 1-2 hours a week.

As well as feeling tired all the time, around once a month I would have an episode where my glands and throat became swollen, I'd vomit on and off for 24 hours and then have to spend the next day or two resting to recover. Since speaking with a doctor I now understand that this is because I was overdoing it when I felt better (returning to my usual routine) and this was causing my body to go into panic mode and the glandular fever would re-emerge. It ran on pretty much a 4 weekly cycle.

1) Be sick, feel terrible.
2) Still feel tired and horrid but resume normal responsibilities.
3) Feel much better, hit the gym, force my way through the tiredness.
4) Start feeling lethargic and like I have a cold coming but still pushing myself to go to the gym.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

My doctor has recommended exercise (in moderation) as this should help me recover quicker. (Previous recommendations of complete bed rest have since been found to make symptoms last longer).

So what is my advice to someone in a similar situation?

• Don't be too hard on yourself! It's okay if you need to rest. It's okay to not finish everything you planned to. Your health comes first.

• Talk to your friends and family, make them aware of what's going on. Call them out if they're disrespectful about what you're going through. Don't stand for someone telling you that you're just lazy. You're not lazy, you're ill.

• Start slowly. For me, light cardio and stretching is best. Activating your muscles but not putting them under great strain is good for getting the blood pumping and recommencing your old routine without ruining yourself for the day.

• Plan ahead. If you play a sport that requires that you give 100% (mine is roller derby) try and plan a rest day after. I also recommend having a day that is as restful as possible leading up to the event. If you need to book a day off work, do it. 

• Prepare for the payback day. Make sure you're aware of what you're letting yourself in for. If I overdo it, my payback day is awful. My body feels like a deadweight, my muscles ache and twitch by themselves, I can't moderate my body temperature and I'm an emotional wreck. Ask yourself if what you're doing is worth the misery. For me, skating gives me a sense of normalcy. It's an adrenaline heavy sport it makes me feel like I'm back to full health. For me, it's worth it. But if you have something that isn't going to bring you any joy. Cancel. Focus on what makes you happy.

• If you weight train, only train at 50%. It can be frustrating when you know you can squat 90kg to only squat 45kg. But your body will thank you for it in the long run. It means less payback and that you might be able to make it through the rest of the day without napping or lying in your bed crying about baby pandas. 

• Eat well. Now is not the time to diet*, you need to fuel your body so it can heal itself. Sometimes post viral malaise develops into chronic fatigue syndrome. It's worth having a few extra lbs right now to know that this will pass in the next year or two and you won't have to live it every day. (*this is not an excuse to eat cake everyday, even though you desperately want to).

• Stay away from stress! I find that stress and anxiety are the biggest drains on my energy levels. I can have a day sitting in the office, but if something stressful is happening, that's more tiring than walking four miles. Do what you can to eliminate stress. Don't get involved in other people's drama. 

• Listen to your body! Your friend had glandular fever and was back to normal in a month? Who cares?! Everyone is different, you need to listen to what your body is telling you and do what it asks.

• Stay positive! It's hard. I know that it's hard. But try and look on the bright side! Do little things that make you feel happy. Laugh with your friends. The right mental attitude will get you through. 

I know that if any of you are suffering with this and having a bad day that this will seem like the biggest pile of crap you've ever read. But the good days feel so much better when you have the bad days to look back on. They make you appreciate the days you can just get out of bed and not worry you won't have the energy to make breakfast.

So what fitness am I doing now? I'm skating at least 4 hours a week. Some weeks a little longer. I'm back at the gym 2 or 3 times a week. Not for as long, but enough to make me feel normal. 100% isn't the same for everyone, so don't feel ashamed of slowly plodding on the cross trainer whilst people are working like dogs around you. They don't know your story.

If anyone needs someone to rant about it to, feel free to contact me on my social media or email me - jezilynmartyn@gmail.com. Us sickies have to stick together!

I hope this was helpful!!!

Jez