Hello friends,
The past couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot about what recovery looks like.
Everyone around me can see that I am improving and some have even suggested that I'm 'better'.
It's true that I'm needing less naps in the middle of the day and my appetite is back. But I'm still not my old self.
I've gone from being incredibly active, coping with 12 hour days and still fitting in gym sessions, to only working 5 or 6 hours 1 or 2 days a week. My skating is coming along, but only because I'm sacrificing other things to make sure I've got the energy to do it.
Just for the sake of giving you all as much information as possible, here is an update on where I am with symptoms,
-Muscle aches. If I have a heavy session or a busy day I wake up a day or two later and my legs feel like lead. I know that if it doesn't happen the day after the following day will be so much worse. I tend to have to drag my heavy body around and cut out any activity I had planned.
-Swollen glands. When I've really overdone it the glands in the back of my neck swell up making it feel stiff and uncomfortable. It's a hard feeling to explain - my head feels too heavy.
-Fatigue. Some days I just can't do life. Sometimes I have to make myself fulfil necessary duties (I'm self-employed so if I don't work, I don't earn), and that normally means any episodes take longer to pass.
-Sudden low mood. I think this is more of an indirect symptom due to the psychological impact of not being able to do what I feel I should be capable of doing. But this one is probably the hardest to manage because when it hits, it hits hard.
I am fortunate that all of these things are manageable (to an extent). Hot baths with epsom salts really help the muscle aches, as well as resting my legs up high on a wall and letting them drain down. (This works for me anyway!).
Swollen glands I use as an indicator that I have to stop doing whatever I'm doing because my body is crying out for rest.
I manage the fatigue by only ever planning very small sections of my day. This means that if I have excess energy I can go and do extra bits, but that I'm not overcommitting. In some circumstances this isn't always possible but it's helpful to have a plan!
Mood? On these days I try and get out and take the dogs somewhere beautiful. If I don't have the energy for that I'll play a bit of music or watch a film I enjoy and remember it's not forever!
That said, sometimes I just have to have a big ugly cry and then the world seems better. It's like how everything looks cleaner outside after it rains.
So back to the point.
What does recovery look like?
The definition of recovery : a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
I am in the process of recovery. My recovery looks like tiny improvements week on week. It looks like going from statistically the second worse blocker on my team in February to winning best blocker award at our last game.
I am taking joy from each and every positive step I'm making. Yes, I may not be well, but I am better. I'm better than I was at the beginning of the year. I'm better than I was a month ago.
The only way is up. Until then, I'll keep on keeping on.
As before, if you need someone to rant to, cry to, shout at, feel free to send me an email jezilynmartyn@gmail.com.
Stay happy :)
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